5 ‘hard truths’ about marriage most people learn the hard way

One of the biggest misconceptions about marriage is that truly compatible people don’t argue. But not only is conflict inevitable, it’s also essential. In fact, the absence of conflict likely means that important issues are being swept under the rug.

And it’s not the fighting that damages relationships — it’s how couples choose to handle their disagreements. Healthy conflict can bring partners closer by opening the door to deep, meaningful conversations about wants and needs, which can then lead to problem-solving.

My advice is to learn how to fight fairly. No blame games, no stonewalling and no personal attacks. Create a safe space where you can both be honest and open without judgment.

Many people enter a marriage thinking that their spouse will be their “everything” — their best friend, emotional support system, cheerleader and problem-solver. While it’s natural to lean on each other for support, expecting one person to fulfill your every need is unrealistic.

Healthy spouses recognize the importance of individuality. That means maintaining individual interests, friendships and goals. Nurturing a strong sense of self outside of the marriage helps prevent resentment and keeps the relationship from feeling suffocating.

Always remember that a thriving relationship is built on two whole, complementary individuals — not two halves trying to complete each other.

Many couples underestimate how much work it takes to have a healthy marriage.

The honeymoon phase may feel effortless, but over time, life’s responsibilities — work, kids, finances, health — often puts the relationship lower on the priority list.

You need to have regular check-ins and planned quality time together. Just as you wouldn’t expect a car to run forever without maintenance, you can’t expect a marriage to thrive without consistent care.