Physical Address
304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
Parents know too well what it is to deal with a child who refuses to listen to: it is frustrating.
But after years of Study more than 200 parent-child relationshipsI noticed something fascinating: parents who rarely manage with the challenge do not make threats, bribes or severe consequences. They use a language that really makes children want to cooperate.
Traditional parental sentences (“stop it” or “if you don’t do this, then …”) often trigger a child’s combat or leak response, activating the part of the brain focused on survival rather than learning. But when we move on to the language which honors the autonomy of a child while holding limits, cooperation becomes natural.
Based on my researchand to practice Healthy habits With my own child, here are five toxic sentences that make children do not want to listen to instantly – and what to say instead.
1. Never say: “Because I said it.”
What to say instead: “I know you don’t like this decision. I’m going to explain, then we’re going ahead.”
Why does it work: “Because I said it” stops communication and teaches blind obedience. But explain your reasoning, even just briefly, helps your child feel respected.
You do not debate or negotiate – you model respectful leadership. This formulation recognizes their feelings and strengthens that you are in charge of a calm and anchored way.
2. Never say: “If you don’t listen, you will lose [X privilege].
What to say instead: “When you are ready to do [X specific behavior]we can do [X desired activity]. “”
Why does it work: Threats create a challenge because they force children in defense mode. This sentence moves the dynamics of power: it maintains your limit business while giving your children’s agency when they are ready to meet him. You do not delete the limit – you delete the fight.
3. Never say: “Stop crying. Are you doing well.
What to say instead: “I see that you are really upset. Tell me what’s going on.”
Why does it work: Reject the emotions of a child teaches them that their feelings are bad or too much to manage. Emotional invalidation leads to disconnection and disconnected children do not cooperate.
When a child feels heard, he calm down faster – and trusts you more.
4. Never say: “How many times should I tell you?”
What to say instead: “I have asked questions about it several times. Help me understand what makes you difficult.”
Why does it work: This frustrated question assumes that the child is intentionally difficult. But often, what looks like the challenge is actually confusion, disconnection or late competence. The cropping invites problem solving instead of blaming – and this happens to the root of the problem.
5. Never say, “You know better than that.
What to say instead: “Something bothers your best me right now. Let’s talk about it.”
Why does it work: “You know better” is ashamed of the child and questions his integrity.
But the alternative sentence reflects a change of mentality – from punishment to partnership. He assumes the best of your child and encourages self-reflection instead of the defensive. He sends the message: “I believe in you and I am here to help you.”
The real secret to bring children to listen
It is not a question of controlling your child’s behavior – it is a question of creating the conditions where cooperation is natural.
Children thrive when they feel respected, emotionally safe and involved in the process. These phrase changes are not only linguistic adjustments – they represent a deeper change in the way we consider parenthood itself. Instead of treating the challenge as something to crush, we start to see it as a signal: a call for connection, clarity or emotional support.
When we react with empathy and leadership, rather than controlling and criticizing, we reduce power struggles and raise children who trust us, regulate themselves more easily and grow in emotionally resilient adults.
Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting and the creator of Foundations – The Transformer Healing Journal for parents ready to break the cycles, to do the inner work and to become the emotionally sure parent they need. It is widely recognized for its revolutionary work in the emotional security of children and the strengthening of the parent-child link. Follow her Instagram.
Are you ready to buy a house? Take smarter by CNBC do your new online course How to buy your first house. Expert instructors will help you assess the cost of rental in relation to the purchase, to prepare financially and to navigate with confidence at each stage of the process – mortgage bases at the conclusion of the agreement. Register today And use the Earlybird coupon code for a $ 97 launch discount (+ taxes and costs) until July 15, 2025.
