Rachel Zegler Plays The Best Live-Action Disney Princess In The Worst Remake

As long as they keep making money, Disney is going to continue cranking out live-action remakes of its animated classics, even if it means sacrificing its magic in the process. All art is subjective, which means there’s no universal truth to declaring what determines the “best” or “worst” of these reimaginingsbut I can say with confidence that Rachel Zegler is, hands down, the best live-action Disney Princess we’ve ever seen. Mind you, I have a deep affinity for Lily James’ absolutely perfect portrayal of Cinderella, but I also lamented that she didn’t get to sing “A dream is a wish your heart makes.” Meanwhile, I’m far less critical of Emma Watson’s Belle than most critics, mostly because the “Beauty and the Beast” retelling isn’t greatbut I can still admit something was lacking to transcend the character into the kind of unignorable magnetism inherent in all Disney Princesses.

But Rachel Zegler? Oh, Rachel Zegler was born to play a Disney Princess.

From the moment Zegler appears on screen, it’s clear that not even an unflattering bob haircut can hold back her exuberant charm, effervescent positivity, strong-willed determination, and masterful singing voice in an absolutely mesmerizing portrayal of Stone White. As heartbroken as I was to be denied “I’m Wishing” and “Someday My Prince Will Come,” Zegler makes a meal out of the new music from Benj Pasek and Justin Paul (“The Greatest Showman,” “Dear Evan Hansen,” “La La Land”). The big number “Waiting on a Wish” might sound like something that could have slipped into Disney’s animated “Wish,” and like Ariana DeBose in that film, her portrayal is so commanding that all of the racist crybabies complaining about Zegler’s casting will be eating crow until their apples all rot into shrunken heads.

There’s only one problem: Zegler’s Snow White is held hostage in a movie that does not deserve her talents. It’s Jennifer Hudson in “Cats” all over again.

Zegler’s scenes with the rebel bandit Jonathan (Andrew Burnap) — who’s an amalgamation of Prince Charming, Robin Hood, and Flynn Rider of “Tangled” donning Ye Royale Hoodie and Jacket — are admittedly very sweet, but the duo is fighting against writing that demands they remain two-dimensional. The love duet “A Hand Meets A Hand” is essentially an entire song that loudly declares, “IF THIS GUY HAS TO KISS ME WHEN I’M ASLEEP IN THE THIRD ACT, I AM GIVING MY CONSENT FOR ALL OF OUR FRIENDS TO HEAR!” The sentiment is great, but it’s yet another reminder that, as /Film writer Witney Seibold pointed out in his review of the filmDisney remakes are a way to address the online criticism of its movies. The power of a song about consent is completely undercut by knowing this was a ticked check box requirement and not something authentic to Snow White and Jonathan’s relationship.

But the most egregious performance comes from “Wonder Woman” star Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen … or should I say, “cardboard cut out of an Evil Queen who gained sentience and tried to imitate the first girl cut from a season of ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ from memory.” Disney Villains are wildly popular and some of the most iconic characters in the entire canon, and they’re all flamboyant, extravagant, fierce divas. Gadot, on the other hand, is so wooden she could have been plucked off the desk of Geppetto’s workshop. Evil villains should be equal parts threatening and fun, and Gadot has no idea what movie she’s in. Was Anne Hathaway busy or something? Because this movie needed her turn in Robert Zemeckis’ remake of “The Witches,” because that is a woman who knows how to serve deliciously evil fierceness in the presence of nightmarish CGI.

The stakes never feel real because nothing is threatening about Gadot. The sharpest thing about her performance is her gemstone crown, while the choice to have her sound like a sweet ol’ grandma instead of a creaky bog witch after the Evil Queen transforms into an older woman (despite the villain performing a spell saying her voice will be creaky) certainly was … a choice! And yet, because Zegler is willing to contort every last muscle in her face to bring some authentic emotion to the table, her scenes with Gadot almost work. Someone call Zegler a chiropractor; she’s gotta be in agony after carrying this entire movie on her back.

Many of the positive critical reviews of “Snow White” have hailed the film’s updates to the classic fairy tale, and while it’s definitely refreshing to see a borderline communist utopia in place of a kingdom in a movie made by the largest entertainment conglomerate in existence, “Snow White” feels like a greatest hits of other, better films that came before. The splashy, colorful number introducing us to the kingdom ruled by Snow White’s parents looks nearly identical to the town square scene of the “Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella” made-for-TV moviethe first meeting between Snow White and Jonathan feels plucked out of “Ever After” with Drew Barrymore, the climax of Snow White standing up to the Evil Queen has “Oh Captain, My Captain/I Am Spartacus” energy, and even the aesthetics of the mining scene with the seven … magical creatures(?) look like the Snow White’s Enchanted Wish (formerly Snow White’s Scary Adventures) ride at Disneyland.

Speaking of which, the CGI depictions of the seven “never referred to as dwarfs” aren’t just uncanny flesh nightmares, but they also can’t keep up with the animated voice performances of the actors bringing them to life. Tituss Burgess as Bashful, for example, knows exactly what the character needs, but the mouth cannot effectively match his level of animation. And yet, Rachel Zegler STILL makes it work. The most humanized the characters ever feel is when they interact with her. I reflexively cackled when Dopey spoke for the first time (no shade to voice actor Andrew Barth Feldman, he’s also innocent here) because the predictable “he found his voice” moment felt straight out of “The Little Rascals” movie when Uh-Huh speaks a full sentence (or when Silent Bob in Kevin Smith’s View Askewniverse pipes up to deliver the moral message of the film).

I don’t know what in the universe has aligned to force Zegler in roles where she has to act opposite people who can’t hold a candle to her (looking at you, too, Ansel Elgort and Zachary Levi), but she deserves a movie actually worthy of her star power. Tragically, this ain’t it.

“Snow White” is now playing in theaters.