Billie Lourd reflects on the death of her mother, Carrie Fisher, 9 years later

Billie Lourd reflected on the death of his mother Carrie Fisher nine years ago.

“It’s been 9 years since my mother passed away,” Lourd, 33, wrote. via Instagram on Saturday December 27. “My daughter woke up earlier than usual this morning, so we went out together and she knowingly laid her little head on my chest. She looked at me with her big soulful eyes and said ‘I love you mom’ and grabbed my face with her chubby little hands and kissed me.”

THE American Horror Story The actress shared that her daughter, Jackson Joanne, 3, greets her with a kiss “almost every morning.” (Lourd and her husband, Austen RydelI also share a 5-year-old son, Kingston Fisher.)

“Dare I say, there is no better way to wake up and no ritual I love more,” she maintained. “I told her how much her grandmother would have loved her and she looked at me and kissed me again.”

Billie spent the anniversary of Fisher’s death in 2016 watching her own father, a Hollywood talent agent Bryan Lourdruns with his children “like two old souls who have known each other forever”.

“Watching my dad with my kids is one of the greatest joys I’ve ever known,” Lourd beamed. “The kind of joy that makes your face hurt because you can’t stop smiling, the kind of joy that makes you feel like your life is a movie that you thought only existed in movies. But then you step back and realize it’s better than any movie could ever be.”

At that special moment, Billie remembers thinking that “this joy wouldn’t be possible without my mother.”

“This joy only exists because it existed,” she realized. “So even though she’s not physically a part of that joy, she’s a part of it. Even though she’s not alive, she lives through that joy.”

Billie admitted that her “grief takes many forms,” but now she mostly feels “joy” that her children get to spend time with their grandfather.

“[My feelings] I could and will change shape many times throughout this day, because grief is never just one thing, but right now I’m savoring this bittersweet joy,” she concluded. “As my mother aptly said, ‘Nothing is ever truly over.’ Right there. My mother’s life isn’t really over. Right there, in my children and in this joy that I can feel thanks to her. Thank you mom. I will never stop missing you.

Fisher died on December 27, 2016 after suffering a cardiac arrest on a flight from London to Los Angeles following the end of a book tour in Europe. A coroner’s report determined that Fisher had cocaine, heroin, other opiates and MDMA in his system.

Compounding Billie’s grief, her grandmother – and Fisher’s mother – Debbie Reynolds died a day later from a ruptured blood vessel and caused a brain hemorrhage.

Billie looked back her mother’s longtime struggle with addiction on what would have been Fisher’s 68th birthday in October 2024. (Fisher has spoken openly about his experiences with bipolar disorder and substance abuse throughout his life.)

“I did everything in my power to help my mother get sober, but unfortunately, my mother was never able to escape her addiction. But while she was alive, she always shared the ups and downs of that struggle with others in the hopes that it would help them escape their own addiction,” Lourd explained via Instagram at the time. “As an addict, being open about the struggle is the only way to get through it. And the same goes for those of us affected by this struggle. I send my love to everyone who has lost someone to addiction. You are not alone. ❤️”

More recently, Fisher opened up in March about her family’s legacy in the entertainment industry — and how she differs from her late mother and grandmother.

“I would say acting is definitely in the genetics. They were better than me at it. I can do quite a bit of tap dancing, not as well as…young Debbie Reynolds, but it’s also in the genes, although my mother was pretty bad at tap dancing,” she said. People. “I’m a very distinct personality, definitely different from both of them. Well, that’s something that’s learned over generations. I think I learned to balance my life and work in a different way than they were able to do, and that was also a product of the times.”

Billie is perhaps best known for starring in Scream Queens And American Horror Storyas well as the role of Lieutenant Connix in the Star Wars sequel trilogy, alongside Fisher.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).